Is it because family is the most essential and fundamental relationship any human has that it turns out to be the hardest? We devotedly seek it out from the casualness of calling our best friends 'bros' and 'sis', and adopting pets as important members of one to churches that have tightly-knit spiritual families. Even orphans learn to develop a sense of family from their surroundings. The most certain thing is that we want to return to that place no matter what our situation, our circumstances. Our home, our safe shelter.
But is the closeness between us also what creates the friction as well? I got scolded today after my mom told me to get out of the car to pump gas for her. For that moment I lost the filter that most people have when speaking to their parents. Instead my mom got the gas while I stood next to her at the gas pump. Back in the car she started going on about “This is what happens when kids get raised with American values”... “Should I beg you for a small request? Ridiculous.” ... “At the tip of a tiny favor, you complain the loudest.”
So badly, so badly I wanted to retaliate, but because I lost my cool earlier I decided to shut my mouth this time. I was fuming and in my head thinking,
But Mom, don't you know by know I hate touching anything dirty? Can't you be more considerate to see that I was about to drink juice when you turned around demanding me to go out of the car? Why don't you see all the “small” things that I do for you without you saying a word? Well...it's not only me, I guess my mom returns the favor in this aspect...and more.
There it was, the rationalization I've been waiting for, the one where, in my smoke filled thoughts, I needed to realize that I was at fault too. I started un-fuming,
Kris, can't you just let trivial demands go and just do it? You should know that mom has to touch the dirty gas pump more than you. Yuck. Don't you see all the “big” things that she does for you without you asking for it? I'm not sure I can totally convince myself of the last one, but my mother does do a lot for me, no matter how much I try to deny reality.
Now really, do I have to empathize with everyone, including my own mother? Especially your mom. She single-handely raised both my sister and I after we moved to the U.S. How tough was it for her? I know I can't and never will be able to imagine how much.
When one competes over miseries and hardships, there will be no end to it. This is how I took a step forward out of my “appreciate me” phase and into the“let's come to a peaceful understanding” phase. It took 19 years for this thought to progress, perhaps it'll take another 19 for me to settle into a “appreciate mom” phase. Hopefully, for both my mom and I, it won't take that long. Consequently, even after being thoroughly reprimanded, the first words that came out of my mouth instead was “Mom, I'm sorry.”
My mom, paused, responded with“What am I suppose to say?”
I was speechless, after gathering enough courage to genuinely apologize was she not going to accept it?Am I suppose to tell her how to feel too!? When did our relationship get so complicated that sincere apologies weren't enough!?!?...Wait...Calm down. I'm currently suppose to be in my peace-making phase, so I wont get upset, yell, and be frustrated, I said I'm sorry and I meant it, so mom please, just consider it, consider forgiving me.
7 comments:
hi kris.....glad to know that you are actually growing up hahahahaha.....this is a phase everyone goes thru....including myself....dont be too hard on yourself...at the end of the journey you will turn out to be a brilliantly fine man :)
Awww shucks, bravo! Kris, you did it and did it right this time around. I'm so proud of ya, kiddo!
After the last fiasco, this time around you were able to pause, breathe, ponder, consider yourself in her shoes and then reevaluate before uttering a sweet and much sincere apology. Well done!
Now, don't be disheartened that mom didn't take it that well because I believe she was still fuming and I sensed heaps of frustration there on her part, but you knw what? I can safely vouch that at the end of the day when she sits down in her kitchen having her cuppa and reflecting on the whole situation, she would feel equally bad abt it if not worse for barking at ya especially after your effort to apologize. Take heart again, it's gonna be tougher for her now to return the apology and that's not what you really asked frm her anyway. She'll come to her senses alright and hopefully the next time around, she'll learn to handle her emotions better.
As for you, a great milestone achieved, my dear. Don't be disappointed, you're on the right track. OK this comment is as long as your paragraphs, I'm so SORRY! HUGZ!
hey you two =) you guys make me feel at least like $10,000 bucks, i have the best blogger friends ever.
manglish!
You're right, I am growing up! actually I didn't even think that far when I was writing it, but I guess I really am, much faster than I expected! and *shucks* about the "brilliantly fine man", y'know I think you are one already especially when I found out your age while reading your posts!! heh heh
nase!!
my dear dear extremely supportive friend! I loved seeing this lengthy paragraph heh heh, how exciting to be able to read such a long comment! and thanks for keeping up with my life, it really feels like you know a part of my life now just as a friend I'd meet in real-life would. and guess what you are right, as I expected you usually are! So yesterday I was throwing out the trash in the morning and she was in the kitchen and she said "thank you, Kris" to me! and everything got better from then on. *phew* and *wipes forehead* sometimes I wish I could stop thinking way too much. And this was really a milestone? I didn't know this was such a great achievement!*fake blush*(cause I'm not able to blush in real-life)
A new breakthrough for you...congrats...just keep up the good works and think first before you speak your mind to your mother...
Thanx 成亿!! I will try my hardest to follow your advice, but I didn't say anything too bad, it's more like my attitude was terrible! And my and I will get a break soon since I'm returning to college, i'll watch out until then, thanks!
Parent-teenage kid phase is alwiz a difficult one. This is usually the time when hormonal changes hits the teenager who is out to dicover the world, whilst the parent wld be having a hard time adjusting to the child's breaking free from the apron strings. Stress from being a single parent just further aggravated her frustration in dealing with her children.
You have done very well in abstaining. An argument cld only intensify when both parties participate actively. You have certainly done better than most of us ..... juz shows your maturity in handling the matter.
I'm glad for you! ^_^
Ah thanks a lot Ant! actually my mom and I have been on extremely good terms recently, I think I need to do more "letting go" and everything seems to go smoother =)
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