Closer to the End

The throb in my chest is rising, the tears are streaming, don't tell me that I never got over you. You didn't change and I didn't change, but things don't just stay the same one year later.

It may not have been your intention, but why do I feel tricked? Just a tinge of betrayal and loneliness makes my day longer. Is attraction always torment, I say "no", yet I feel like hell. Can we not repeat history everyday? I'm so close to confession, and it has stopped ceasing to be a game long ago. What do you mean, why did you say? Why do you touch? Crossed into the border of more pain than bliss, if you don't mean anything serious, don't play with me. Do you even know these feelings of mine? Go find a girlfriend again and let me out of your sight. For me, no more hiding, no more second-guessing, I don't even know how to act anymore. I don't care if I didn't try hard enough or I pushed you away too much or didn't talk meaningfully with you enough. These "could-be's" are now all "won't-be's". My heart can't stand being soaked even if it rains 3 out of 7 days. Most of all, don't tell me how you never thought about me in that way because my wounds then will never mend.

Give me just a few more days, perhaps a few more weeks, to erase all that I've built up in my head. I'll tell you one day though that I'm a con- pretending to the end that I thought so little of you. Yelling for you to come closer in my head, yet I don't move a step. I'm angry whenever I see this two-faced me. Though isn't it better now to search for my own peace?

Can someone tell me I am wrong to not try more? To reach out to you with every worth of my being, but if I do, I feel like my heart really will break in two.