Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Nothing Better

I'm so far past jealousy that I'm running into my demise. The "guy" is just about to date her and then I remember how I hate it when I'm right. Wished that my predictions weren't spot on when I get to thinking clearly. The freakiest thing is that it is always here first that I admit to myself that he didn't like me and was about to get another girlfriend. I guess it's just that when I talk out here I speak more truthfully than when I speak with myself. But it's sickening- them two and I'm not even jealous of them. Only envious of the fact they found each other, as casual as strolling through a park on Sunday and as simple as drinking a glass of water.

And I don't think I can put it any more ironically when I tell you that she is the girl who liked me last semester.(I didn't date her because I couldn't convince myself that I might turn straight. Better safe than sorry) And just two nights ago she discussed with me the details of all the things happening between the lovely pair leading up to this point. Thank God that it wasn't painful because somehow a guy I couldn't get over for a year has made me realize my stupid mistakes on top of even stupider judgments. I just want to rock out and sing it all away. I was genuinely fine talking to her about him just like I was straight and just like how I didn't think about him every single day. Good, cause at least I'm moving on also like I predicted last post.

I tell her to just admit that she likes him because she is dense like me. And it was not even a few days ago that I also advised him what to do about his crush on her. I told him that when you really like someone, the circumstances don't matter. It became his facebook status the next day. The only thing wrong with this is how it doesn't work for me. Circumstances do matter for me because if they're not gay, if he's not gay then love doesn't work out like magic. And now I'm deeper in realization of how I'm playing a role in helping them get together, but it is far from a crushing defeat. Because I'm sure now that I can't get him, and more sure that I will need to find someone else, and surest that I can let go of him to a great friend. That's hard as I know 0 gay guys here. But that's all I needed to patch up my life and get on with it even with a few rips and stitches here and there. And I really think I'm in an advantageous position at this point; I know both of them well so if I want to know anything I can ask; I'm about to come out to that guy and if it's uneasy for him to accept then he'll force some distance between us. And I sure could use some distance from him. There is nothing better than knowing the truth.

"Nothing better, nothing better than you." Take care you two =)


William said...

You're actually the matchmaker! The irony. As long as everyone's happy.

Vincent~ said...

blog walker. =D i guess we plu will reach tat point of life somehow, shows ur maturity actually, at leats u r willing to help them. =) It shows tat u r a better person.